YOU LOOK RETARDED!!!!!

Here is a note to all those people out there that think it looks cool to shave off your eye brows! It's looks awful and YOU LOOK RETARDED! And why - when drawing them back on - do you have to draw them so far up on your forehead? You look like a Disney villain - or you look totally surprised all the time! I am sure that if you don't have a significant other - that your lover of the week is gonna just love waking up to you the next morning! I mean that's a real turn on you know - girls with no eye brows! Now it's probably much less painful to shave your whole eye brow than it is to pluck them - one hair at a time.............but let me tell you this - the pain is worth the trouble - cause you WON'T LOOK SO RETARDED! Aghast..........DIZ

The things people say.................

I am not sure if everyone got this on T.V. yesterday - but after the Grey Cup - they were interviewing one of the Edmonton Eskimo players and the question that the interviewer said was something like..........."How long have you been waiting for this moment to win the Grey Cup?" And this 600 lb. football player answered................"Since I was a young boy - I used to have a squeaky football player................." Now - in what direction do you think that comment went when the rest of the team heard the interview! I am sure that he MEANT to say - he had a squeaky football toy - but he said very clearly - "football player"............. I don't know about you - but I find this truly comical! Has anyone you ever known had a squeaky football player? (And yes - I am aware of what I just typed!) You never know.....Diz

Shall we say PICKY?

Okay - I was reading an article the other day - (I get daily emails on certain subjects from the CNN website) - and I was totally grossed out..............Yes...............The Diz grossed out! No matter out ludicrous, nonsensical, stupid, anti-social and nauseating or revolting your pastime or habit may be - fear not - there is always someone out there that will be doing some research that will prove that pastime or habit is good for you. Then maybe you can walk around - with the proof - that urinating on the dog is an okay thing - or using your wife's undies as a bowl to eat your salad out of - is good for you - you know those habits that you do that you never wanted anyone to find out about - or share with others. Well - this doctor has done some research on nose picking - and then eating it! (This doctor is from Austria). He has done a survey and in fact - nose-pickers, that also eat what they have mined, are "healthier, happier and more in tune with their bodies than sane people". Yes - this was said by a registered - real doctor! Can you imagine how he even conducted this survey? Stopping people on the street "Excuse me Mam' - do you pick your nose and then eat it afterwards?" WTF?????? Then there is the end of his statement about "sane people" - are all nose-pickers/eaters all insane? Now - the people I surround myself with are far from being sane - but I really don't think that they would even admit to anyone if they were one of these nose-pickers/eaters people! This doctor also suggests that we as parents should encourage our children to take up nose-picking and eating because, and I quote-"eating the dry remains of what you pull out of your nose is a great way of strengthening the body's immune system because it is full of bacteria”! Okay - another WTF?????????????? All right - now that we have the facts - why stop at eating snot? Let's just get into ear wax, belly button fluff, toe jam - and why not - eat crap too? Well advised.......DIZ

Brand spankin' new medications.......

Has anyone other than me noticed the amount of commercials that are on T.V. for new prescription medications? Have you ever noticed all the side effects that "may occur" if you take any of these new prescription medications? My most favourite is one of the side effects to Viagra - "if you sustain a very rigid painful erection for more than 4 hours - please take yourself to the emergency room immediately". Well - isn't that why you are taking Viagra for to start with? And maybe if you didn't just take the pill and sit around the house wondering whether it's effects are true - and actually did something with that rigid vertical dangler (which is now horizontal) - would it no longer be painful? Then there is another commercial for some Rheumatoid Arthritis medication - which lists it's side effects as "may cause bleeding from the eyes and/or nose, stroke, heart failure, temporary blindness, dizziness, fainting, seizures, sinus infection, serious rise in temperature, chills" I mean - they might as well add leprocy, paralysis, major bladder infection, and may cause amputation of the head! Why would anyone in their right mind even want to ask their doctors about these medications? Befuddled and Enlightened......DIZ

Always put salt in your eyes........

I received this little message from a friend - ("Bill" - in Grande Prairie) thought I might just pass it on - over the wires - seeing as most are into "modern shiny things" like computers and the like (huh?) This is how my lunacy explodes!
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with 4 friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstation, Nintendo or XBOX, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cellphones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good, and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?! Deflated- DIZ

Life's Like That.................

Is it? Is life REALLY like that? This is an expression that seems to really make no sense when you look into it. (I - obviously have WAAAAAYYY too much time to think!) Anyways - okay so -A man walks down the street and a bird shits on his head........someone will say "That's Life!", There is a power blackout, and your computer crashes at the most inconvenient moment - "That's Life!" someone will say! You see your bus coming, and can't make it across the street to catch it - and have to wait one hour before the next one comes - hey "That's Life!" Well - is it really life? I mean you are saying "That's life" as if this is actual proof that "That's Life" - that that is the way "all life" is........ when it is merely circumstantial evidence! " In fact, millions of people walk down the street every day without being shat on by a flying bird. So surely life must be like something other than that, too. Confused much? Diz

MY VERY FIRST!

Yup - I sold my VERY FIRST painting today! It was the Edmonton Skyline - that I am sure you all have seen hanging around the Ford's residence! Now I have to find another to replace it in the spot in the coffee shop downstairs! I stuck a great big red "SOLD" sticker on it - and will bring in my camera tomorrow to take a picture of it before I take it down and hand it over to the purchaser. Yippee! Now I'm on my way to doing something I LIKE AND getting paid for it too! (I'll never make a iving at it - but maybe I can eventually go to three days a week here.....right now I work 4 days a week.............Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh to dream!) Elated Diz!

MORNINGS...........

Rumor has it that somewhere on our planet are a rare breed of humans called "morning people". These are the people who wake up at the crack of dawn and are ready to take anything that their day can give them, with a smile. You see these people bouncing around like a bunch of Tiggers (from Winnie the Pooh!) before most of our alarm clocks get fired across the room! While we peel our face full of pillow indentations off of the bed, these "morning people" have already watered their lawn, scraped the paint off the house, bathed the dog, renovated the kitchen cupboards, read the newspaper and have polished all the silver in the house! The rest of society goes to sleep as late as they can, and couldn't wake up any earlier than ten minutes before work. Some of these people wake up and just remain tired for the next eleven hours and some are just cranky as hell. I am a hybrid of both of these groups. I hate waking up in the morning because I - well - not cause I went to bed late - just cause I HATE waking up! And now I hate you and it's your fault that I have to get up. So, I am in the group I like to call; If you talk to me before 10:00 a.m., I will shove bamboo shoots into your cornea's! I wake up numb and angry and usually don't pay attention to a damn thing as I get driven to work. I get to my chair at the office and sometimes I wonder what I missed on the way in - or even if Tim and I had a conversation! Some mornings - I don't think a word is spoken! Anyway, there are those days when something happens that I will be awakened and go through the rest of the day aware of my surroundings! Today was one of those days.........thank God I'm leaving early - AND - this is MY FRIDAY! Before 8:30 am this morning (and I start work at 8:15 am) I was called, let's see - A Knob, a Crackhead, a Loser, a Tool, a Herring Choker (yes - those were the ACTUAL words used!), and a Fibber! Okay - now I can handle all those OTHER names - but a "Fibber"? WTF??????? That was in the first 15 minutes of my morning - and I think I only spoke once! Ah - to be appreciated for one's work is so esteem building! Lashing Out - DIZ!

The White String Thing.........

Can anybody tell me what that white stringy thing is that seems to be attached to the yolk when you crack open an egg? And - are you really supposed to eat it? What is it's purpose - is it part of the egg white - or the yolk? I never realized that a chick had an umbilicle cord! Are chickens now mammals? (Yes - I'd like a glass of chicken milk please!).........Just a dizzy question..........DIZ

These F***ING CUBICLES or PODS........

What is up with the stupid cubicles we have to work in??? The size of the freaking thing is okay, however, have you ever noticed that most are set up so if you were to walk into the cubicle, you see the back of the person working and the front of the computer they are working on. I can't tell you how many times I have startled someone, seen them jump right up to the ceiling, when I come ask them something. Is it just me?? I actually made a guy lose a whole day's work (which was really HIS fault - cause he hadn't saved all day!) - cause when I came to speak with him - he jumped and kicked the power bar that was by his feet and turned his computer and pretty well anything else electronic off in his office (Yes - he was a lucky one - he HAD AN OFFICE!) I don't like being sneaked up upon, so before we moved - I made sure that the configuration of my space did not have me with my back to the entrance........I wear headphones for most of the day - so I don't always get bothered because people think that I'm just "getting jiggy with it" whilst I work....but then you've got those people that will practically take the headphones off your head to speak to you about nothing. I assume that companies situate cubicles in this way so that managers can walk by and see what employees are doing. Talk about being treated like an adult! If you ask me, if we are trying to build a 'teamwork' type atmosphere where employees can openly share information with other employees, the most effective thing to do would be to set up work spaces which are conducive to that. I'd much rather speak with someone to their face when I go over to them rather than talk to the back of their head. Or maybe do that "prairie dog" thing - you know where you try to peek over the top of the pod walls to speak to someone. Our walls are just high enough so that you can't get an eye level stance - but also - low enough that you can't even let a "silent one" go without someone knowing what's happening behind those horribly taupe canvas like walls! Does anyone know why cubicles are set up this way?? Does anyone out there hate it as much as I do? Of course, higher up's get offices with the computer facing *them* while they face the door when people come to see them. Ridiculous. I don't see why that should be just their luxury. Then you have "the one's" that get annoyed if ANY conversation is going on - doesn't matter what time of day it is - lunch, break, even first thing in the morning before we actually start to work. They wonder why moral is so low. Geez - I can sit in my corner - with NO natural sunlight/daylight and see no one - from the moment I come in to the moment I leave. The door out is directly beside by pod. Some might think this a good thing - and some days it is - I go away to chat for hours, come back - move a few things around - add a fresh glass of water to the desk, and voila - the boss knows your in - he just hasn't had a moment to run into you. But does this promote that 'teamwork' that they are always talking about? I think NOT! ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Logging off....................DIZ

We have GNOMES.........

I have come to the conclusion that we have little gnomes that live in our house. They only hide or steal certain things – like the ONE pair of scissors that I keep on my art table, only BLACK socks – and that’s just one – not the pair, any registration papers from painting classes to soccer registrations and schedules. They have stolen (or hid – because sometimes these things just show up on a table or on the floor right in front of my eyes!) a DVD and CD-Rom with pics on it, but I fooled them – I found those two things! Once a cheque book even disappeared! Band-aids – there’s a tricky one – the band-aids disappear – but all the wrappers that they come in? Still in the box! A whole massive block of cheese! But the wrapper is left in the fridge – looking like it has barely been messed with! And Griffin isn’t even close to my house – it’s gotta be those hungry gnomes – or Griffin – you have a great sense of telepathy! But now it is getting a tad scary…….Dave opened the fridge last night – and 8 plates almost fell on his head! Yes – PLATES! They were on top of a cabinet – that is over the fridge – but the fridge does not touch the cabinet or vice versa! I swear I saw one of those little buggers running to hide up there when I showed up in the kitchen after work!! This happened BEFORE we got home from work – Dave was rather traumatized! (More than usual!) Someone told me to put salt around my house – but that’s for those evil poltergeists – not gnomes – I think I need to do some reading on gnomes and gnome psychology………I am going to freak their freak one day! Ta Ta - DIZ

MUST speak CLEARLY when speaking to a TEEN!

Yup - I actually already knew this - but it must have slipped my mind. I asked Nick (16 yrs.) to do the vacuuming. Then Tim and I went out to do groceries. When we got home - the house had been vacuumed - BUT - there was the vacuum - right in the middle of the front entrance. When I asked Nick why the vacuum was there his response was, "Well - you asked me to vacuum - you didn't tell me to also put it away when I was done!" Yes - he is well on his way to becoming a REAL MAN! Mind going to mush.........DIZ!

Random Thoughts that have passed thru my brain today………….

· Why is it that if I drink one cup of coffee in the morning – I’m okay – but if I drink even one teaspoon more – I am in the Loo all day?
· What is an “End-User” – and why would it need support?
· Do you know anyone with a Deer Head mounted on the wall? And if you do – next time ask them why they didn’t just bring it home and keep it as a pet.
· I was in a course the other day – and the person next to me whispered something amusing and the two of us laughed. The instructor asked “Do you guys find something funny?” What the hell kind of question is that? NO – I’m actually very sad and this is the way I show it! Duh!
· Someone went past my desk and told me “they were working like a dog” today. Huh? You know any dogs that work – if anything – that means you are doing pretty much nothing but sniffing your private parts, napping, and trying to find food and maybe a pat or two.
· My word for today was FANFARONADE: it means arrogant or boastful talk. It sounds like something one would drink. “I’d like an olive with my Fanfaronade please”!
· What’s the difference between when the weather person calls for a partly cloudy day – or a partly sunny day?!
· I have spent most of the day doing nothing – so how will I know when I am done? I guess I’ll just go with the clock.
· I received a package today that said "this way up " (pointing to the top of the box) . But on the bottom of the box it said “Open Here”! The box is still sitting – sideways – on my desk – un-opened!
· Diz – Gone Out!

Discovery Channel...............

I think I've been watching the Discovery Channel and/or those silly “animal” documentaries – you know the ones – where these hosts go into the jungle and swing with the monkeys or follow cheetah droppings………… what ever! They had this show on the other night about how to be a survivor in different situations. There were some really good tips on the show. They explained what to do if your car becomes submerged in water. Now – I’m not too sure about you – but think about it – how many people do YOU know that have actually needed THAT skill in particular? They also had tips on what to do if you were going wilderness camping – and encountered a bear. Well – their FIRST tip was to lay down in the fetal position and cover your head……..well – I’m not too sure about you – but my FIRST tip would be to bring a buddy that can run slower than me………………….then I’d run like hell! Then there was the rock climbing tip – FIRST tip – “Don’t over pack your back pack!” My first tip – keep both feet firmly planted on the ground…….why the hell would ANYONE want to climb a 90 degree rock face to start with? Only to get to the top where you’d probably need to have a pee – cause it’s been like 10 hours that you’ve just spent hoisting yourself up the side of rock!? They also had tips on how to “fall” – yes – how to fall! How to fall on a level surface, stairs, steep hill, not too steep hill, (note – they never had any tips for falling off that rock face you’d been climbing a bit before!) while walking, while running – I could go on. Another point here – does anyone actually KNOW when they are going to fall? And from the tips they gave – they had the stunt men go with “slow movements” so we, the viewers - could all learn the “art of falling”. Well – I’ve been around a few years – and I have fallen many times – my first tip – put your hands out in front of you and hope for the best. This actually isn’t a tip – it’s INSTINCT! But then again – people like me – have nothing to worry about when it comes to falling down – I’d just bounce right back up – I have natural bumpers growing out the front of me………………………..Ciao - Diz

Yes - I sent Spam - and got the finger wag - here's my response!

Okay - I am gonna say this for the 15 millionth time - “brain sleep” affects a few of us (most of us) when we least expect it - ooooooooooops! This was one of those “brain sleeps” - and as soon as I hit “send” I thought - “what the hell am I doing?” See - they DO NOT call me Dizzy for nothing! I am still the Queen of Dizziness - AND - I have been told off 15 million and one (the one being you!) times for sending this! Ya - why did I fall for it? Only me and my sleeping brain will ever know - and besides I am soooooo computer illiterate - a “server” is someone they have in a restaurant that brings me my food............if he/she is incompetent - then he/she will get bogged down - that is the only kind of server that I can relate to! Sorry about that - I will try not to have another “brain sleep” whilst scanning my junk mail! Have a great one! (Geez - I can’t remember if I sent this on to Mike - man - if he flipped over the Blog site thing - I
can’t imagine what will happen if I sent him this..............he’ll have a popping aneurysm for sure!) Ta Ta for now - and I promise no more bogging down the server - only the toilets! Cheers!

Fecal Matter..................

This story is not one that has happened to me - it is one that was passed on to me - and I felt I had to share - cause well - it's a Diz type story!

This guy I was talking to told me about this fool that he works with that does not like to wash his hands after he takes a piss and then proceeds to reason this behaviour away as there may be fecal matter on the door handles in the company bathroom so washing his hands is a waste of time. But Get THIS - when he reaches for a piece of paper to put in the printer which is very often throughout the day he licks his fingers like a quarterback before a pass to get a better grip on the paper.Hmmmmmm.....poop on the door handle, touching his uncircumcised dick and he's afraid of ecoli????

Okay - see how I HAD to share?! Cheers - DIZ

Bleaching the Tighty-Whities

The other night - I was getting the laundry together and mentioned to Tim, "I need some new undies...........all mine have holes in them!" He muttered something like, "Easy access"......or something moronic as only Tim could do - and my answer to him was "I know why I have so many holes in my undies.............cause I bleach the crap out of them!" HA! Get it?!?!?! I didn't mean it literally - but I collapsed laughing - Tim I believe is still walking around shaking his head, probably mumbling more moronic quips! Over 'n' Out - Diz!

Why share now?

I guess the reason that this story has come back to me - was that someone brought in some of those cookies - those Halloween cookies, the ones I think made by Pilsbury. They have ghosts, or pumpkins or something in the middle, you cut the dough and bake them - and bingo - you have sugar cookies with seasonal shapes in the middle. Well - many years ago - Nick was still in Elementary School (he is now in Grade 12) - I was making some of these cookies - but they were Christmas Cookies. I had the Green X-Mas Tree cookies and the Red and Brown Reindeer cookies. I had to bake something real quick for a party they were having at school, as well as at the after-school care. So - I finish baking the trees, and started on the reindeers. I finish the reindeers - and my baking is done - but what about taste testing? No one was home except me and my guinea pig Elmo - who I had been holding on my lap - between putting in and taking out cookies from the oven. So - I grab a tree cookie and a reindeer cookie. I eat the tree cookie first - then I eat the reindeer cookie. As I get up - I notice a crumb on the couch - so - I pick it up and put it in my mouth and start to chew - my thinking was - "Oh look - a "brown piece of the reindeer cookie" fell on to the couch - well - after a couple of chews - I realized that I was NOT eating a cookie crumb - it was an Elmo poo! These little guys leave jelly beans anywhere - any time - but it looked so like a cookie crumb - probably cause it had been squished or something. Anyways - there you have it - I ate Guinea Pig Poo! I have not been able to look at let alone eat any of those cookies since - nor do I allow them to be baked in my house! It took me close to 3 years to even tell the story - cause every time I thought about it - the gag reflex started immediately. I haven't been dubbed Dizzy for nothing! DIZ

A Dizzy Quote.......

Yes - I said a wonderfully deep Dizzy Quote today:
"If you have Ten Fingers, and Ten Toes, Two Arms and Two Legs, One Nose and One Mouth - this still does not mean that you are normal!"-DIZ-

Flies and Spiders

I have NO IDEA how a fly can come into this building - let alone land on the fifth floor - and be happily buzzing around. I'm not sure how it would have enough force to push the 5th floor elevator button - nor how it would even choose to come to this floor. Regardless - this little bugger has been flying from spot to spot - regurgitating all over my papers, my computer, my pictures of the piggies (and the kids!), my binders, all the crap I have piled on my desk. No one would even believe that I was being bothered by a fly - because they could not believe that a fly would just come to the 5th floor (which was MY first thought!) - and every time I would call someone over - cause the little black flying thing was out in the open - it disappeared by the time they arrived at my pod entrance. Well - I got the little sucker - I was reading something in a huge binder - and the big dumb ass decided to land on the page I was reading - SPLAT! That's the end of THAT! Then - just as I re-settled my self at my computer - a friggen spider came down from the ceiling - on that little invisable thread - and hung there - right in front of my face! Now - flies are one thing - but spiders? I DO NOT DO SPIDERS............ - I am going to an empty spot to finish my work for the day. Man - 4:30 can't come soon enough.......now I'm going around like a spazz - thinking that I see things out of the corner of my eye - I even think I'm seeing things running across the floor!!!!! I've got a bad case if the itchies - and I still have an afternoon to complete! Is it time for my meds yet? Diz

Up and Coming Artist

Just a little FYI and a bit of patting myself on the back. I now have some art hanging on the walls of an Edmonton Coffee Shop.............Yup The Diz is out there! There is a winter scene (Edmontonians LOVE winter), a Loon (the bird - not a crazy person), and the Edmonton Skyline. Peter - the owner of the coffee shop has asked that I bring in more for him to hang in his shop - Cool Huh? Doing something that I like may one day actually "pay" for some of the bills! Well - now I must find a way to celebrate-Hmmmmmm - is there any other way than Scotch! Adieu - DIZ

What's with the "Female" names for illnesses?

Now - first there was mad cow disease - and of course the cow could be relayed as a "female" - cause there are many females that get called cows - so when a female would get disgruntled - a comment always came out "She's got Mad Cow Disease!". Now it has crossed into the flu category - the Avian Flu or as it is called by the lay-person the "Bird Flu". Now it seems that when a female is not well - she has "The Bird Flu" - cause a female is also considered a "chick" and a chick is a "bird". WTF?????? We need some male illnesses here - like "Rooster-itis" (we won't go where THAT one might affect on one's body!) or "Preposterous Bull Disease". Come on you people out there that name diseases and illnesses - it's the guy's turn to get a disease! Diz - Over and Out!

I HEAR STUPID PEOPLE!

Okay - I know to live in a "pod" environment - you have to put up with other people's chatter, eating, and other annoying habits. Well - today I AM SICK OF IT! I have been in a meeting for pretty much the whole day - but as soon as I come back - it starts. It is THE ONE who speaks to herself - ALL DAY LONG! And if she isn't speaking to herself - she is speaking to me - and she SAYS NOTHING! A bunch of words strung together - that mean nothing and then she'll throw in a hearty laugh or giggle to make what ever she isn't saying funny! If she isn't talking - well - she is filling her face with food - all kinds of food that come in crinkly - noisy wrappers. Not only THAT - but one day she refused to do some computer related task because it was causing her to aggravate her carpal tunnel syndrome - but then completed the day doing "something else" computer related that I'm sure was not work related either. Okay - let me get this straight - there is now a new super-carpal tunnel that afflicts the wretched in mere hours but only affects certain type of computer work? Man oh man! But back to this eating thing - she ain't grazing - this is binging - now I love food as much as the next fat chick - but really maybe if you put down your peanut butter/cheese/cereal/Chinese/crystal light/enormous salads/Danish Butterhorns, etc., and paid more attention to the work that needed to be done - then maybe I would be more willing to bend an ear towards your useless and insignificant information every now and again. I mean - really - all she has to do is MONKEY WORK...........AND - she NEVER leaves the office. I can be here at 6:00 in the morning - she's here - I show up at 8:00 pm - she's here - I stay late - she's here - I swear she NEVER goes home! What's with that? Or WTF?????? I mean how can someone actually get away with pretending they are more stupid than they actually are?! Here's to stupidity - I need a drink! Cheers - DIZ

Guys-Rules for looking at Breasts

Guys here they are " The rules for looking at Breasts"
1.If you are with a woman and the woman is your wife or girlfriend - now is not a good time to look.
2.If you are with your mother, girlfriends mother or grandmother (the key word here is mother) you don't want to explain what your looking at so now is probably not a good time to look
3.If you are with your sister look all you want - but not at hers.
4.If you are with a female aquaintance use the dating rule - If you want to date her follow the wife rule. If you don't want to date her follow the sister rule.
5.If you are with a male aquaintance this is your chance. Look all you want, feel free to make any comments you want.

Exemptions You may purchase an exemption for the price of a dark pair of sunglasses (and Flowers if you've been caught)

I thought this may help out a few - as Tim figured that he wasn't being "obvious" whilst looking through the side mirror or rear view mirror when a young lady (worth looking at), was sauntering down the sidewalk and we are in the car! I now say there are RULES - and really - "try" to follow them........it makes life a tad more peaceful! Cheers - DIZ