OH SHIT........................................

My new mantra:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

'Oh shit...she's awake!!

And I am!..........Diz

Just Because...

Just because it is MY Friday from work..........and I have had a week from hell - I have taken a few moments and thought of 7 things that I want to curse "someone" with. I predict within the next full month - each one of these will happen at least once to "this person".....Don't piss me off - I'll curse you next.....DIZ
1. Will be severly burned in a fire.
2. Will be invvolved in a severe auto accident (with injuries, or multiple cars, etc. - not minor fender bender)
3. Flooding
4. Building Collapse
5. Injury/Death to a useful appendage
6. Water Main break
7. Become a victim of Crimes (muggings, riots/big fights & brawls, shootings, etc.)

Tomatoes....

I really wish some people (my boss!) had the life span of a tomato!
I know - that is hurtful to all the tomatoes in the world - oh well - Diz

A week-end quote:

Here is a wwek-end quote from Jonsey..................

"NEVER PUSH A DEAD HORSE!"

I'm not sure what that means - cause I don't think I would even approach a dead horse to start with let alone push it - and why would you push it? If you know it's dead - why bother the poor thing.............Diz

Dizzy's Daily -

"Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling it brings" - I think I've felt that a few times in my life...say no more.............Diz

Grandma's Boyfriend...

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are....Diz

One of the even Dwarfs...

There I was on my way to work ... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon . I was in a great mood and then ... I rear-ended a car!!So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ...
(and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed?).Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
..... .and that's when the fight started .

So politically incorrect!.................Diz

Old People.............

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called u p Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

Don't you hate it when that happens?.........Diz

Dizzy's Daily -

When I was young there was no respect for the young. Now that I am old, there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going!" - J.B. Priestly -

What song is this.....and DON'T CHEAT BY USING THE INTRNET!

Here's a little quiz for ya'll - what song is this and by who? (The answer to the name of the song is within the words of the song.............and DON'T CHEAT!) Let's see just how good your music IQ is!.....................Singin' to myself - DIZ

What I'm really wanting
A brand new machine
One for converting
Plastic to dreams
If you ride upon the tiger
you can never get off
They get hungry

One thing is certain
All the rest are lies
Beautiful and damned ones
Never realize
That the dark is light enough
To see the ignorance of greed
Still she cries
(Chrous-below)
Come on, come on, get up
I wanna take you
Away from all of this
And what has got you
Lost and feeling down
You just get it off your back
Let it fly away

Poetry in motion
Counting out the beats
To hear a voice in every mind
Sounding out retreat
And as they run
They look behind
To see what tempts the wandering eye
Still she cries
(Chorus)
Trouble with the life
Of the Emperor's new mind
Casual veiwin' in spite of
What gets left behind
Gentlemen you may include me out
Ladies please accept my bow
Still she cries
(Chorus)

Perfect People...

I’m a big fan of the English. Hell - I married one! They are highly civilized, rich in culture and history. (Even if this is only in their own minds). If only they’d learn to drive correctly and speak the language properly, they’d be a perfect people. Cheerio............Diz