Buzz Words

I started thinking the other day – (imagine – the Diz was thinking – and yes – you could here the squeaking of the wheels and there was also a waft of smoke emanating from my brain!) about how/where/when the word Blog came to be, along with all associated words. I am here to tell you that after much research, I have come to these definitions of Blog and anything that is Blog-worthy. I must also say that these do not express the opinion of “THIS BLOGGER” (ME) – or the Blog-Mates that I have made on my blogging journey! In observation of all these shitty phrases and acronyms, I've decided to coin another phrase that can be used for "blog" called: comment-log or CLOG for short. What users do is labor over documenting their inconsequential lives, trivializing man's greatest invention, the microprocessor, until the Internet is so CLOGGED that commerce comes to a screeching halt. Anyone contributing to the congestion would be known as a CLOGGER.
Blog: is literally shorthand for "boring;" a vulgar, overused word that strikes your ear with the dull thud.
Blogger: Term used to describe anyone with enough time or narcissism to document every tedious bit of minutia filling their uneventful lives. (ME!)
Blogging: If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.
Blogged: What you call a trivial or largely inconsequential topic once bloggers have processed through every tired detail. For more on this, look into: every minor news story.
Blogosphere: The "blogosphere" is the new buzz word that has replaced "information super highway." It's what idiots like to call a collection of "blogs," otherwise known as a tragedy.
Blogomania: Like all other manias, except relating to the infatuation of blogs. It's one step above the more caustic phrase "blog-o-rama."
Blogroll: A long list of links that nobody will ever click on. Bloggers not only link to their friends and fellow bloggers, but their eventual goal is to link to every linkable document on the Internet. Most "blog rolls" are so full of links that it can bring even the mightiest of search engines to a crawl as they sort through all the frivolous bullshit bloggers link to.
Blogshare: An imaginary share of a blog's worth, which is ironic, since most blogs have an imaginary share of readers.
Blogstorm: A zany phrase news anchors like to use any time they think there's an abnormal amount of posts on blogs regarding any particular topic. Of course, they fail to consider any amount of posting to a blog is abnormal since people who are well adjusted usually have better things to do, i.e., work, or failing that, anything else.
Blog Swarm: Stupid.
Blogging Community: Losers, goths, bedwetters, and journalism dropouts.
Blawg: Some idiot thought it would be clever to spell "blog" phonetically using the word "law" in the title. It's a phrase used to describe blogs primarily dealing with the law and legal issues. Wow, real clever you tool! How did you come up with that one?
Blogebrity: Wow, guess what this one stands for? Too easy. Hey, anyone can do it: take a blogger who's a chef, and you get: BLEF. A blogger who's a dentist? BENTIST. A female blogger with an itch? You guessed it: a BITCH.
Photoblog: Photoblogs make me yearn for the day when cameras weren't digital, film cost money, and it took time to develop pictures. I remember back when it wasn't easy for any random dolt with a camera to go out take countless pictures of nothing. Nothing is exactly what these pictures are of. No focus, no theme, no message, no posturing. Just countless pictures of McDonald’s at 2 AM. We don't care that you went to McDonald’s. You're not an artist. You're not deep. Get a new hobby.
Warblog: A blog that primarily deals with war. Filled with whiny blow hards who are fixated on their stubborn ideas and conspiracy theories.
Warblogger: Like all other bloggers, an idiot. Usually a self-righteous prick with a political axe to grind.
Warblogging: The act of writing amateur, unfounded, and borderline illiterate opinions about war and war strategy.
iPod: This is one of those inventions that makes people say: "why didn't I think of that?" Damn that's brilliant. I had that idea years ago. I also have another idea: a car that can fly. I will sue anyone who makes it.
iPodder: A pompous ass who thinks he's eclectic. Wake up you big dummy: you're not living in an iPod commercial. You can't dance. Everything you listen to sucks. Get a job.
Killer App: I can't stand this phrase, mostly because it's applied so loosely. App is short for "application," but that doesn't stop people from using it every chance they get: "the fast food industry needs a killer app." What? What does that even mean? An application?
Travelblog: Guess
Friendblog: None are known to exist since bloggers don't have friends.
Watchblog: Let's not.
Vog: I
Vloggers: CAN'T
Vlogging: GO
Vlogged: ON
Moblog: ANYMORE.
I live with a Jogger-it’s gotta count for something………..DIZ

The Story of a Teen..........

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times……….Those teen years, I remember them well, actually – I don’t really remember them that well. They are just flashes of memories – nothing I can grab on to – but memories none the less. They seem to pass through my head much more often than they used to; I think it is because I have become a parent of two teens! How is it possible that I am a parent of two teens? It seems like yesterday I was a teen myself! All I can do is flash on moments in time……that two year old that refused to acknowledge that “big boys” sit on that white “chair” in the bathroom, instead of doing it in a diaper. Or that defiant 2 year old who just figured out how the world works and will try to make it revolve around them and them alone! Discovery – from a plane flying overhead – to a lady bug that landed on a hand. That 4 year old – that was ever so brave when something frightened him – unless of course it was night time – then it was run into the parents room and sleep between Mom and Dad………..always receptive to great big bear hugs – even in front of their friends. That 9 year old – who now knew how to tie shoes – get dressed – bathe and comb his own hair. Starting to have much stronger opinions and really learning well how to express them! Then suddenly BANG! They are 12 years old. That’s just the start – mine “blossomed” early – but had no clue what all this “change” was about? I truly believe they became clinically insane! Then I started to think – who are these people who are living with me? I am sure my children were abducted – and replaced with these two – awkward – nonsensical – confused – angry – goofy creatures! Always challenging me – and for that matter – challenging themselves for challenging their parents! The stories that they can tell! Honestly – they think that it’s the parents that are irrational – that they can fool us every chance they have – the joke is on them – just wait – one day – they’ll be the parent of a teen! Was I this way? No – I was worse! When my boys were babies, the thought never crossed my mind that one day I would be the parent of a teen! It’s complicated – and sometimes fun – all at the same time! But these moments are fleeting, to be yearned for in days and years to come. And so – for today – I will find the genius, or maturity of their opinions and their thought provoking questions – that actually leave me standing there – wondering how these wonderful little bundles became such individuals! With brilliant thoughts and brilliant smiles and great hearts. You don’t actually see this part of them very often – it’s a teen rule…….you have to keep this part of you well hidden – only to be let out when you are not thinking about it! Hey – maybe that will be something that can confuse my parents even more! Let’s be sweet and loving when they least expect it – and leave them wondering – what exactly we are up to! They sit there quietly, with headphones in the ears – blasting music from their MP3’s. Do they have any idea of what sort of thought process is going on – Hell – they don’t even know what a thought process is! For today – I will find the cleverness in them, the shrewdness in them, the wonderful sense of humour in them and the intellect they have acquired – though I KNOW when they look at me – they think I have none of these qualities. I am far from perfect, but then again – who is? Not being perfect is an absolute of the parent of a teen. For today I will try and look at the lessons that I can learn or have already learned – and know that they will also pass – all too quickly. And I guess – I should really be thankful that I have become a parent of teens! Enjoy.................your time will come - Diz