BECAUSE I AM A MAN............

I was discussing something with a co-worker today - and somehow this list of "Because I am a MAN......." sort of got dug up. It may not totally pertain to all of you men that read this - but I'll tell you - 99.9% of women will definitely relate.............
1. Because I am a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.
2. Because I am a man, when the car is not running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I am looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.?" We will then drink a couple of beers as a form of Holy Communion.
3. Because I am a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You are a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
4. Because I am a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like"cumin" or "tofu.? For all I know, these are the same thing. (This one may not apply to a lot of guys....................guys like to cook - and they like to go to the store and search for their ingredients - it's like a hunting trip - then - especially when it's on the BBQ - that makes it so much more MAN-LY!)
5. Because I am a man, when one of our appliances stop working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
6. Because I am a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.....though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.
7. Because I am a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I do not need to see it. In addition, do not forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
8. Because I am a man, you do not have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you are crying at the end of it, I did not. And if you are feeling amorous afterwards....then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
9. Because I am a man, I think what you are wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
10. Because I am a man, and this is, after all, the year 2006, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I will do the rest......Like wandering around in the yard wondering what to do. (This also may not apply to a lot of guys - but notice ya'll - when a man does house work - it MUST require doing a task that has a "machine" attached to it, such as vacuuming - I guess that's sort of like using a lawn mower...........it's a MAN-LY job!) Most men consider what they do "outside on a 30 degree day" - housework! I mean after being outdoors for like 1/2 hour - they come wandering back in to the house - looking for a cold beer - and telling you how hard they are working - of course not realizing you have just spent the last 3 hours on your hands and knees cleaning the floors, and making the house smell wonderfully pine clean! Let's switch - for once - and guys - you stay in on that 30 degree day and us ladies will walk around in the fresh air pushing the lawn mower - drinking beer and walking in circles till we find one weed - and take 15 minutes pulling it out - then come back into the house - telling you how hard we are working - wiping our brow - sighing - then crashing in a chair - in the fresh air - and drinking that cold beer we just fetched - because - afterall - we deserve this beer and quiet moment - we have worked so hard! Time for another lemonade and time to clean the sinks..............DIZ