A week-end quote:

Here is a wwek-end quote from Jonsey..................

"NEVER PUSH A DEAD HORSE!"

I'm not sure what that means - cause I don't think I would even approach a dead horse to start with let alone push it - and why would you push it? If you know it's dead - why bother the poor thing.............Diz

Dizzy's Daily -

"Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling it brings" - I think I've felt that a few times in my life...say no more.............Diz

Grandma's Boyfriend...

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
Now, that's funny... I don't care WHO you are....Diz

One of the even Dwarfs...

There I was on my way to work ... getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind ... wasn't even on the horizon . I was in a great mood and then ... I rear-ended a car!!So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car ...
(and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed?).Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'So, I look down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'
..... .and that's when the fight started .

So politically incorrect!.................Diz

Old People.............

OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called u p Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

Don't you hate it when that happens?.........Diz