Listen Up Kiddies.....

These are just little words of advice that I picked up over the Internet, with the added Dizzy twist...........
- Just because you can stick toothpicks in your forehead and they’ll stay there and it doesn’t really hurt all that bad doesn’t mean you should go ahead and do it, at ANY restaurant.
- Don't piss off skinheads. They’ll beat you.
- Yes, popping a paper bag in the mall makes a very loud noise. Yes, you can hear it echoing all through the place.
- "Rent-A-Cops" (Security Guards) are all dickheads.
- Believe me, the rash won’t go away on its own.
- God created Assistant Managers when he was in a really shitty mood.
- Knife wounds inflicted on bodily extremities, such as hands, should receive firm pressure with a clean, dry towel or cloth. Elevate if possible. Remember, dry is the key. The wet washcloth is a poor choice for staunching blood flow, no matter what you’ve heard.
- Be careful of what you headbutt. Some doors are not as sturdy as they might first look, and it can be hard to estimate your own strength immediately after inhaling nitrous oxide, or power shooting a keg.
- Head wounds do tend to bleed a lot. Don’t panic.
- Pajamas are indeed comfy, but society dictates we not wear them to school, work or the bowling alley.
- You better ask before you try and stick your finger up there.
- Socks should match your pants, and your belt should match your shoes. After that, if anyone complains, tell ‘em they should be happy you’re wearing any clothes at all.
- If you suspect someone likes to do a lot of cocaine, don’t let them “borrow” your CDs.
- Try not to get too depressed. There’s always something to look forward to. Keep alert, and sooner or later you’ll see someone slip and hurt themselves.
- If, while chugging a beer, the phrase, “I bet this is going to be the last coherent thought I have tonight,” runs through your head, get someone to take you home. Now.
- The cops never think it’s as funny as you do.
- Yeah, I know Sid Vicious wore a lock on a chain around his neck just like that. But the first time you try and pogo with that thing on it’s gonna chip a tooth.
- Strictly speaking, ranch dressing is not an ingredient.
- Now that you’ve climbed up there, it’s a lot higher than it looks, isn’t it? Dumbass.
- You’re probably doing something that bugs the next person twice as much. Clam up and get on with your life, and last but not least.....
- Powdered cocoa won’t put out the fire.
Forever being enlightened....Diz