How NOT to argue with a teenager!

Never– EVER should an adult – especially a parent get involved in a deep “rational” conversation with a child especially one who is a teen, without a prepared speech. Unless of course you like to be tortured, mentally – it’s like having the Chinese Water Torture done on your brain, or maybe instead of bamboo sticks under the finger nails – it’s bamboo sticks into your brain – through your ear canal! I have always believed in NOT YELLING at my children………..it was something that was the norm growing up. Now when I hear yelling – my blood pressure bubbles, and I can honestly say I start feeling nauseous…..but having teen children bring the best out of a parents character! I started yelling the other night – I even freaked myself out! Even the hubby who was standing next to me couldn’t believe what was coming out of my mouth. I mean – I was sooooooooooo incredibly pissed off – all the wrong words were coming out of my mouth! Things like “Do YOU THINK that I like to “mental” in your issues?” (The word I was looking for was meddle! And having a teen as my audience – this did not go un-noticed!) “You are making me so angry “right away” I could just “shit”! And ya – I probably meant to say “shit” – subconcsiously – but what I wanted him to hear was “You are making me so angry right now I could spit”! Instead of “You need to stop….” Out came “You need to shop….” Don’t believe me? Call – I have witnesses – it got better the more I shouted – the more confused I got and the more I got my “merds wixed” (words mixed!) “So you think you’re such a tart!” Instead of “So you think you’re so smart!” After about 5 distinct mistakes in the language that I so pride myself in knowing well (English) and being a lover of words – I had to slow myself down because I could see that the one-sided conversation was going nowhere! Nick (the 17 year old) just stood there with some “Cheshire Cat” grin on his face – I mean – how in the hell did I expect him to take me seriously at this point! He was standing there contemplating his navel so that he wouldn’t crack up and really send me off that cliff that I was teetering on! I had to walk away – but only for a split second – when I returned to the kitchen – father and son were staring at each other – you could see the pleading in Tim’s (father) eyes as he looked at Nick…."Just don’t laugh….not now….don’t look at her directly in the eyes…..excuse yourself and go to the bathroom….go smoke some mistle-toe from the X-mas decorations….tell her you’ll share…..even – fall to the floor – lay in a fetal position and rock back and forth – JUST DON’T LAUGH” is what his eyes were saying. Needless to say – I truly don’t believe that the great moment to pass on some wisdom – which I can usually do – went completely to hell in a hand-basket – oh – in less than 45 seconds! Don't try this at home….Diz