THE EVIL WASP!

You know – I haven’t ever really wanted to admit it – but I have a mortal fear of wasps. They are out to get ME! I know this because of the public display of bopping, boogie and rumba that I seem to have do while I await my drive to go home. I realize that the summer is almost over and that all the wasps will soon disappear for the winter months - So it's probably too late for my suggestions to be taken to heart by any Wasp at this point in the year – perhaps over the winter – while they hibernate – or whatever it is that they do over the winter – the Wasps could think about some of the issues I am about to bring forth.
Firstly, could someone please let me know exactly what I've done to make Wasps hate me to the extent that they do? I recall no wasp-related cruelty initiated by me at any point in my life. But everyday, as I walk to the corner to await my ride home, the Wasp seems to be hiding and waiting for me – just under the front bumpers of the parked cars. They lay there in waiting for me to come by and then zip – I first catch a glimpse of the Wasp in the shadow, then out of the corner of my eye – then It’s zipping around so fast I think I’m surrounded. And sometimes I am – one by one – the Wasps exit from their protection of car bumpers and start to buzz around my legs and head. I swear sometimes they come at me in formation! I don’t really remember the day that I actually realized that I was being victimized by the Wasp – but it could have been that time when I was about 7 years old – I was playing at the front of the house and a Wasp started to fly around me. All my friends backed away – the Wasp didn’t want them – it wanted ME! They all shouted, “RUN!” So I did – I ran around the block at least 5 times, but the damn Wasp was always there when I looked around. Trying to twist and turn didn’t help either – the Wasp was always one step ahead – actually - behind me. Then there was the time when I was having a picnic with my friends – I was about 11 years old. This time the Wasp(s) had singled out my friend, as he sat there eating his sandwich, a Wasp flew and landed right on his bottom lip. What was he supposed to do? We all screamed and scrambled like cats in a blender, and left the poor guy (I think his name was Shawn), sitting there – cross-eyed – waiting for the Wasp to go away. I think it took a good 10 minutes – and we just left and went home. Oh – and then there is that time that I’m talking to a guy I liked at school, acting all cool and everything, only to unexpectedly hear a loud BUZZ in my ear. The great arm waving, jumping, elaborate dance may be translated into a mating ritual somewhere in the animal kingdom – all I know is – it wasn’t interpreted that way by this young man. And of course, let us not forget the time the Wasp stung my husband in the leg 15 million times, while we were picnicking at the Museum of Civilization in Ottawa – with our two small boys. We (the 2 boys and I) of course had enough sense to get up and leave when we saw the Wasps – but not Dad – nope – He wasn’t moving for nothing – he was cool and Wasp proof. Leave them alone – they’ll leave you alone! He is so naïve! AND he was the only driver and we still had approximately 2 hours of driving in the hot, humid summer heat to get back to home base, only to have the mother-in-law baste his leg in baking soda, and sliced onions! Didn’t work a damn on those stings – but it sure smelled like we could have had a great soup base! I can’t even go to a petting zoo – because well – The Wasp seems to show up the same time I do – and that’s all I need – to get kicked in the head by an old donkey or mangy sheep that The Wasp may decide to sting – just because I am standing behind it at that very moment. You know – some people believe that Harry Potter is evil – let me tell you – he’s nothing compared to the WASP! Cheers-DIZ