The Chair from HELL!

You know how your mother ALWAYS told you not to lean back in your chair? You know – one of those circus movements – a spectacular show of balancing yourself on the two back legs of your chair? Well – I have another warning for you – NEVER do that with your office chair – especially if it has wheels! This morning – I decided as I had completed a page of typing at the computer – that I would lean back and have a look at what I had accomplished………………yup……………….you guessed it! There I was doing the “Great Diz Balancing Act” when suddenly – the chair started to slide from underneath me. I had completely forgotten what my mother had told me – though I NEVER EVER listened to her in the first place. I never much liked my office chair – but now I realize my office chair doesn’t like me either! This chair has arms on it that are possessed. Just as I am about to sit down – the arms swivel inwards and I end up crushing my tail-bone. The back support (which came separately from the chair) – is either too high and could give me major whiplash if I reverse too quickly – or it’s down around my corpulent ass – and I end up sitting on the edge of the chair. It makes me laugh when I think that the purchaser’s of this chair told me it was a “more expensive” and “ergonomically” designed chair. What a whole load of crap! I know $100.00 is like a fortune in somewhere like the country of Eritrea, but in Canada? I mean $100.00 can be spent at the “Dollarama” in like 10 minutes! Well – it ALMOST happened……………..me – ending up on the floor………….I had such a visual on this one. Me – in a heap on the floor, feet wedged in the boxes I have under my desk – cause there is no room elsewhere in the office for them - I had visions of my cup of hot coffee – never mind landing on me – but landing on company property like the keyboard! God forbid! I made enough noise to have a few co-workers come a peek into my pod to see if I was having a stroke or something. Isn’t Gravity a wonderful thing? What’s even better is having sense of mind to go against the fall – not with it. You know – like on a motorcycle – you lean into the turn – well – I leaned away from the turn – I duped Gravity! Though my phone and tape dispenser became dangerous projectiles – landing in some odd places that I have no idea how they ended up there……….what did I hit them with? My arms? Legs? Or did my possessed chair just make them take to the air? I am not too sure – but as I grow older – there are some things that my Mother told me that I REALLY should be paying attention to. Leaning back in a chair is one of them! I am getting too old for that sort of adrenaline rush! Cheers….DIZ